His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Sext me about skeletons
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
