They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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