He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
