Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
