I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
so much tequila, so little girl.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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