made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
