I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
