bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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