my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
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Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
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I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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