Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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