you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You're like the curious george of whores
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
