i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
