Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I am one with the molecules
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
