dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
