she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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