she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I stole a fireplace last night.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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