Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
