is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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