I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
