I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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