I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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