she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
