This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
