OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
