i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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