Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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