worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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