i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
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We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
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I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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