Small penises have feelings too.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I AM VODKA MAN
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
