This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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