mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Are my feet made of real feet?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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