i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
