What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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