i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I seem to have left my pride at pride
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
