put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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