Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
