I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
