$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
