I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
