I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
