I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you win again, gameday.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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