can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
