I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
