Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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