Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
