Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
