sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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