i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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