Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
