He disabled his match.com account in front of me
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
