I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
