Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
