He told me they were just razor bumps!
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Shame - the story of my life.
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