I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
