my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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