Swine flu. Run for my life!
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
