I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
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just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
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He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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