The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
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