Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
