I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
