St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
